💔 I’m Still Here: A Dad’s Reflection on Lost Time and Unbreakable Love 💙👣

       🧬 My Legacy: 6 Kids, 4 Women, and One Hell of a Journey

Let’s get real. I’m a father to six biological kids and two others I consider my own with all my heart. Here's my lineup — no filters, just facts:

• Natasha and Robert III – same mom.
• Brayden, whose mom had a son, Cameron, who I helped raise and still love as my own.
• Carter, from another long-term relationship.
• Aubrey and Ashlyn, my youngest two girls, with the same mother.
• And Violet, my former stepdaughter, who I will always be there for if she ever needs me.

8 kids total. 8 hearts that beat a little bit because of me.

And I haven’t been a perfect father. Hell, there were times I barely felt like a functioning human.

☠️ From a Broken Childhood to Breaking Myself

I grew up in chaos. I was abused — mentally, physically, and sexually — by people who should’ve never been near a child. I was neglected. Left to figure out the world on my own. And when you come from that kind of trauma, you either become hardened or hollow.

I became both.

I was damaged goods early. No one ever taught me what healthy love looked like. No one showed me how to build a life, a family, a future. I didn’t know how to handle emotions, relationships, or peace.

So I ran. And numbed. And spiraled.

I turned to drugs and alcohol — and not casually. Full tilt. I wrecked my body, burned bridges, racked up three DUIs, and saw the inside of jail cells way more than birthday parties or bedtime stories.

There were times I was clean — hopeful, focused, loving. And there were times I lost it all again. There were periods of light, followed by collapses into the dark.

👨‍👧 Custody, Chaos & Connection

Out of all the mothers of my children, Natasha and Robert’s mom was the most understanding. We co-parented with open communication and real effort. They lived with me at times. We made memories. I was “Dad” in the ways that mattered.

But I also let them down at times. I’d have them for a week and be clean. Then spiral when they left. Or hit rock bottom after a breakup. I always thought I could bounce back faster than the damage could spread — but that’s not how real life works.

With the other kids, some moms kept them away. I understand why. But some stories were stretched, exaggerated, made worse. That hurts. Not because I don’t deserve some of the blame… but because I missed so much time that I’ll never get back.

I accept my role. I take responsibility. I own the pain I caused.
But I’ll never stop loving them all.

✨ Final Thoughts from a Flawed Man Who's Still Standing

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot

“The greatest mark of a father is how he treats his children when no one is looking.”

“You are not your past. You are the lessons you learned and the love you give now.”

I’ve lived a wild, messy, sometimes beautiful, sometimes brutal life. I’ve worn so many hats — Marine, cook, convict, driver, dreamer, friend, screw-up, father.

❤️ A New Chapter (Even If It’s Late)

As I write this, Natasha and Robert are the closest to me. We’ve fought, healed, laughed, cried, and stood together through thick and thin. Natasha — my firstborn — has a bond with me that no chaos could ever sever. Robert has my blood, my sarcasm, and that quiet strength I wish I had at his age. Our connection is real — battle-tested, imperfect, and unbreakable.

And then there’s Aubrey and Ashlyn — my youngest girls.
A few years back, I got the chance to reconnect with them after far too much time lost. And while we’ve shared some moments, the truth is: it’s not where I want it to be.
They’re teenagers now — busy lives, growing fast, chasing their own path. And I don’t want to force anything, but damn if I don’t miss them terribly.

I think about them constantly. I scroll through old photos, I replay the laughs in my mind, and I pray for more chances to just be there — not as the man I used to be, but as the father they still deserve.

I love them with everything I’ve got.
Distance can’t dull that. Time can’t erase it.

If I could go back and change the past, I would. A thousand times over. But I can’t. All I can do now is show up, reach out, and hold onto hope that one day, we’ll have the relationship I dream about. One built on honesty, healing, and shared memories — not just apologies and regrets.

And through it all, the one title I care about most — the one I still fight every day to live up to — is Dad.

So to all my kids — if you read this:

I’m sorry for every moment I wasn’t there.
I’m grateful for every second I get now.
And I LOVE you — fiercely, deeply, forever.

No matter how life unfolds, no matter how much time has passed, if you ever need me… I’m here. I LOVE YOU ALL!